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He's Just Not That Into You

I didn't finish reading the book because it was boring.

The movie gave it a little life by following actual characters in their depressing relationships.

Beware the top-level messaging. The film ends on a happier note; however, this technically single woman walked out of the theater feeling worse than after finishing a pint of Chunky Monkey alone on Valentine's Day.

Bonus: you will be hearing variations on this phrase for the next three months.

Dan in Real Life

Like Adam Sandler's Punch Drunk Love, I think most people who go see Steve Carell's Dan in Real Life will be expecting a comedy in the cookie-cutter style of the lead actor's comedic reputation. Also like Punch Drunk Love, these people will be disappointed.

That said, Dan in Real Life is one of the best movies I've seen. There are flashes of Carell's trademark The Office-style humor; for example, as shown in the film's trailer, Dan gets pulled over a second time by a small-town policeman, and when the officer approaches Dan with a second ticket, Carell gets a Michael Scott-esque glint in his eye and says, "Put it on my tab."

The vast majority of the film, however, is a pretty emotional portrayal of a widower father with three daughters, whose family is his whole life, as he deprives himself of falling in love, until he meets the second-woman of his dreams. Of course, she turns out to be his brother's (Dane Cook, in a surprisingly multi-dimensional role) new girlfriend.

There are pratfalls, there are punches, there are uncomfortable family moments, when a man on the emotional edge just cannot contain it anymore. Carell stretches the 40 Year Old Virgin good-guy role much further here; a smarter, less obvious script helps, but Carell is an expert at showing feelings subtly instead of overacting.

Unfortunately, I think this one will get dismissed as a chick flick, doomed to be repeated over and over on the Oxygen channel; even so, this is a movie I definitely recommend.

Cate Blanchett is perfection

Not having seen Elizabeth and having read the tepid reviews of Elizabeth:The Golden Age (a bit of a misnomer, as G. pointed out, because the Golden Age is technically the period after when the film covered), I was not expecting much. Being the English nerds that we are, though, G. and I had to see it on opening weekend. We were among the eight people in the audience, two of whom were obviously unmarried English Lit professors.

Despite the low expectations, G. and I agreed that we liked the film very much. The Golden Age tells the (probably a bit revisionist) story of the English-Spanish war which was a result of the Spanish Inquisition and King Phillip II's vendetta against Protestants. Mary I of Scotland was imprisoned for the murder of her cousin, but was plotting along with Phillip to assassinate Elizabeth, become Queen of England (the Catholics thought that since Elizabeth was technically illegitimate and was childless, she should not be the heir to the English throne; that it should instead be Mary), and return the country to Roman Catholicism. There is also a subplot involving Elizabeth's romance with Sir Walter Raleigh and his subsequent infidelity with one of her court.

Many reviews have called the film over-the-top and overproduced. I disagree. When you're talking about a film that is both historical and includes literary figures, it needs to hold the  typical movie-goer's interest. The Golden Age does this, both through production and plot intrigue.

Clive Owen (as Sir Walter Raleigh) and Cate Blanchett are electric.  Their on-screen chemistry is amazing, and Blanchett brings a bit of humor to her role.

Abbie Cornish (as Bess, the traitorous lady of the court) is so-so, but I can't tell if I'm just jealous that she slept with Ryan Phillippe. Jordi Mollà minces around and over-emphasizes the Spanish lisp, making his character even more deplorable than he already is.

Coincidentally, Elizabeth was on cable early Sunday morning, so I TiVo'd it and watched it yesterday afternoon. It was as fantastic as everyone says it is.

Elizabeth tells of her rise to the throne after Mary I (also known as Bloody Mary), who is Elizabeth's half-sister (sharing Henry VIII as their father - Elizabeth was the daughter of him and Anne Boelyn; Mary's mother was Catherine of Aragon), and her institution of the Church of England, which ended the Catholic reign. The romantic subplot here is the relationship between Elizabeth and Lord Robert Dudley, who was already married.

Again, Blanchett is perfection, and Joseph Fiennes, as Lord Robert, is charming and irresistible.

I highly recommend both films, whether or not you're an English nerd.

Nicholas Sparks: Making Women Weep Uncontrollably Since 1996

I would like to meet the woman who broke Nicholas Sparks. In two of his novels which have been adapted to screen, the male lead finds his true love and then loses her no less than twice, the last time because of death. I haven't seen any other movies or read any of the books, but I have seen the book covers, which are rendered in misty watercolor and nostalgic serif fonts. I can only imagine they are similarly themed.

I saw A Walk to Remember a few years ago. I TiVo'd it because I love Mandy Moore. I knew it would be a bit cheesy, though I didn't expect the overt religious themes. The kid from ER plays a "bad boy" who falls in love with über-religious goody-goody Mandy Moore inexplicably. They rehearse for a school play together, and she tells him "Don't fall in love with me", which of course means he falls in love with her. What he doesn't know is that she is suffering from leukemia and doesn't have long to live. Predictably, the kid from ER is angry, but then in a grand romantic gesture, wins her back by building her a telescope. Against all odds, they convince their parents they are in love; they get married, and Mandy Moore dies at the end. If it weren't for the choir-girl themes shoved down my throat, I probably would have cried more than once, which I did at the end.

Last night after after finishing my TiVo and discovering that there was nothing on TV, I raided my sister's DVD collection and found The Notebook.

I didn't cry this much during Steel Magnolias. In this one, Noah Calhoun, the blue-collar lumberyard worker played by the delectable Ryan Gosling, falls in love with wealthy, WASP-y Allie Hamilton (played by the surprisingly likable Rachel McAdams). They spend the summer together, which of course her parents don't approve of, so one day her folks abruptly move her to New York, where she will go to college. Noah writes Allie everyday for a year, and Allie's mother intercepts every letter. Noah enlists in the Army for WWII, where his best friend dies, and when he is released, fixes up an old house and pines away for Allie; Allie accepts a marriage proposal from an old-money Southern gentleman. Then she sees Noah's picture in the paper with the house. Allie races down to see Noah, they fall in love all over again and live happily ever after.

The twist is, this story is being narrated by an old man with a bad heart who lives in a rest home. He reads this same book to an old woman with Alzheimer's who also lives there. As you've probably already guessed, this is Noah and Allie. Allie has moments where she remembers Noah and their love, but ultimately there are more good days than bad. After Noah has a third heart attack, he comes to see Allie after he is released from the hospital, and for a few moments, she does remember. That night, they fall asleep holding hands. The nurse comes in the morning and finds that they have passed away together.

I mean, Jesus. I was weeping like a baby while watching The Notebook. I knew it was sad, but I wasn't expecting that. I've considered it, but I don't know that I have the will to actually read either novel.

Do people even experience this kind of love and devotion anymore?

That New Movie With Jessica Alba's Ass and Anonymous Hot-Girl Boobs

I am about to make a confession, and I know some of you will be disappointed, but please, try not to judge me too harshly.

I like Dane Cook.

I like his pre-Vicious Circle stand-up. He was moderately funny in Waiting... (though, I have to admit, The Mac Guy and Alanis Morrissette's ex can make any movie at least passable). There. I feel much better.

Good Luck Chuck, however, was the. Worst. Movie. I. Have. EVER. Seen. It was even worse than Employee of the Month. No, really.

The flimsy plot: Chuck (Dane Cook) is a commitment-phobe who is a serial-dater of hot girls. Every girl that Chuck sleeps with marries the next guy she dates. Dan Fogler plays his best friend, Stu, who convinces Chuck to use this to his advantage, which he does until he meets Jessica Alba's character. Chuck, of course, falls in love and then becomes paranoid that if he has sex with Jessica Alba's character, she will leave him and marry someone else.

Jessica Alba doesn't so much act as she does stand around looking hot and read lines off of cue cards. But I guess that's negated as soon as the male population sees her in her underwear, or in a bubble bath. Suddenly, the film becomes a cinematic masterpiece.

I'm sure you know how the movie ends. There are no plot twists, though there is a montage of Chuck having sex with a few dozen women, bouncing boobs and all. The whole thing is utterly boring and predictable.

Actually, I take that back. I was surprised at just how revolting the writers made Stu. He is the most vile, disgusting character in the history of frat-boy-funny movies. The guy masturbates with a warmed-up grapefruit. And they filmed it. And they kept it in the movie. He's a plastic surgeon who only does breast augmentations. He ends up (and I "sincerely" hope I don't ruin this for you) with a woman who has three boobs.

I can't even think of one redeeming quality for this movie. I don't have anymore words to describe just how awful it is.

Mouseketeer =/= Trainwreck

This weekend, I had the pleasure of viewing performances of two former Mouseketeers who can, in fact, refrain from making a trainwreck of their lives. I will refrain from commenting on the obvious; I'm already tired of Brit Brit's pathetic excuses.

Christina Aguilera performed with Tony Bennett at the Emmy Awards on Sunday, and she was excellent. She has a giant voice inside that pint-sized body. And she looked fantastic in both the white dress she walked the red carpet in, and the pink gown she performed in. Tony was looking a little wobbly, but he still sounds great.

I also watched Alpha Dog, which features Justin Timberlake as a pothead who unwittingly kidnaps and detains the brother of a Nazi meth freak (Ben Foster, also known as Eli on Freaks & Geeks) who won't pay his dealer.

I can't decide whether I think J.Tim is a good actor, or if he's just sort of playing himself. Unlike others (ahem), his partying isn't all over the celebrity gossip blogs (hello, ONTD!), but it's a pretty good bet that he has a lot of fun backstage. And partying is pretty much all his character does in Alpha Dog.

The movie was passable. Ben Foster was the best thing about it - his skinhead tweaker character is fucking terrifying. He looked familiar, but it wasn't until I looked up his IMDB profile that I found out he was in Freaks & Geeks. This is just about the most direct opposite of Eli that you can find. Side note: I didn't realize until today that the actor who played Eli wasn't mentally handicapped.

If the cast were stronger, the film may have been as well. The only A-list actors in it were Sharon Stone and Bruce Willis; otherwise, the cast were all better known as supporting in something else that was more popular: Emile Hirsch (one of the kids from Lords of Dogtown), Shawn Hatosy (from Outside Providence, a sort of wannabe The Brothers McMullen), Harry Dean Stanton (Molly Ringwald's dad in Pretty in Pink), Olivia Wilde (the bisexual bartender who dated Seth Cohen and Marissa Cooper on "The O.C."; also in the short-lived "The Black Donnellys"), Amanda Seyfried (the dumb Mean Girl), and Rick Salomon (screwed Paris Hilton in night vision).

If American History X was too hardcore for you, try Alpha Dog.

The Lloyd Dobler Phenomenon

I finished reading Chuck Klosterman's IV last night. It's a collection of interviews and articles he's written for magazines (mostly Spin and Esquire), plus one short story.

I'd read all of the articles and interviews he wrote for Spin before; I was even more amused this time around. My favorite is still the feature he wrote on Mexican Morrissey fans in East L.A. The pieces for Esquire were more vaguely philosophical musings filtered through pop culture, and they all posed interesting questions clarified in Klosterman's new introductions.

The short story posed some problems for me. I found the premise (a character dangerously similar to Klosterman himself who is driving in the middle of nowhere, only to have a woman literally fall from the sky onto the hood of his car) interesting, but the prose was a bit clunky.

I generally liked IV, which made me want to re-read Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs. I started that last night as well.

There is an essay in which Klosterman announces he will never find a woman he can spend the rest of his life with, and that there is no woman who would want to spend the rest of her life with him. He blames the latter on Lloyd Dobler, John Cusack's character in the seminal '80s film Say Anything..., and categorizes it as "fake love".

Klosterman claims that every woman he's met has thought she's in love with John Cusack, when in reality she's in love with Lloyd Dobler, the character.

Now I personally have always said that I want Lloyd Dobler to be my boyfriend. This claim is still true. But here's the thing: I realize that I will never find a "real" Lloyd Dobler, and that Lloyd is actually the perfect synthesis of John Cusack's intellectual/nerdy charm (see also: Rob Gordon, Martin Blank, Hoops, and Lane Meyer)  and Cameron Crowe's knack for writing perfect lines to deliver to women in order to get into their pants ("I gave her my heart and she gave me... a pen."; "That's more than a dress; that's an Audrey Hepburn movie.").

Klosterman calls this "fake love"; I prefer to think of it as "the ideal partner". Either way, I suppose, the result is something you can never really obtain.

At this point, I'd settle for a cute guy who will watch Say Anything... with me.

I saw Knocked Up last weekend, and I loved it. I'm a Freaks & Geeks fan, a 40 Year Old Virgin fan, a Ben Stiller Show fan; Knocked Up was so hyped up in my head already that I was afraid I would be let down.

Seth Rogen played my favorite character in Freaks & Geeks. He's hilarious. He pretty much seems to have one role, but it's a funny one. I'd hang out with him. I'm not sure I'd have his kid, but you know. I can't wait to see Superbad.

Katherine Heigl annoys me a bit in this movie; I'm not sure why though. I do love Leslie Mann. People also have a tendency to typecast her, but I love the crazy-neurotic thing she does.

It's a little longer than two hours, and there is a semi-predictable ending, but overall Judd Apatow sticks to his reality-based writing -- the characters had true reactions to the circumstances.

Apatow produces quality work, but his creativity is constantly questioned. A post in Oh No They Didn't! described a Canadian "author" who insists Apatow ripped off her book in which she gets pregnant at her engagement party and alleged hilarity ensues. It's a pretty common scenario; it's not like she was breaking new ground herself...

Some of the comments to the post referenced e-mail correspondence between Apatow and Mark Brazill, in which Brazill accuses Apatow of stealing an idea for The Ben Stiller Show from him (the e-mail thread is hilarious reading, by the way).

 

Anyway, I saw Knocked Up twice. A++++! Will Buy on DVD!

Holiday weekend shenanigans

G. and I went to see Paris, je t'aime on Saturday night. Fantastic film. A+++++, would watch again!! I would try to explain it, but as G. noted, it loses its magic in the retelling. Went to La Piñata after for cocktails and laughs.

On Sunday, G. and I did our La Scala-bookstore thing. We got crazy this time and shared an enormous piece of tiramisu. We couldn't finish it and felt kind of bad, but my jeans were grateful for that. I bought The Compleat Cast of Characters in Literature, Story of O, and One Hundred Years of Solitude.

Yesterday I got my tattoo. I thought the outline would hurt more than the shading and color, so at first I was like, "This isn't so bad. Piece of cake." Yeah. Then she started the color. That hurt. I had to go to my happy place, where Jude Law and Jonny Lee Miller make out. I really love how it turned out - and it looks even better in person.

   

My arm is sore today, but it looks really good for being spankin' new. The color is bleeding a little bit still, but that's okay because the black was a wee bit dark for me, and the red is not fading very much.

The awesome Reaps drew the design and inked me.

A little of this, a little of that

Shamelessly plugging my friends' band

If you ain't got nuthin' better to do this Wednesday night (and I know you ain't), come to Bottom of the Hill at 9pm for Replicator's record release party. The rock will be brought, and it will be awexome.

Shamelessly plugging the funniest movie since Shaun of the Dead

I took my sisters to see Hot Fuzz last weekend. I seriously didn't think I would like it better than Shaun of the Dead, and I seriously thought that Simon Pegg and Nick Frost would play the same type of roles they played in Shaun of the Dead, but my friends, Hot Fuzz was more than a girl could ever ask for.

Without giving too much away - because everyone should go see this - it was both a parody of and an homage to Hollywood action movies. There is plenty of hilarity you'll miss if you're just sitting back for the ride. With Simon Pegg, it's all in the details.

I can't wait to see Nick Frost in Kinky Boots... it's in the Netflix queue.

Shamelessly plugging my new favorite TV show, to which I'm late for the party

I've just started watching "House". I'd avoided it forever because I got really tired of "ER" and I'm wary of anything on the Fox network, but there was a marathon on USA a few weeks ago on a Sunday night, and there's never anything good on Sunday night. I got hooked.

House is such a brilliant bastard. And I have a total girlcrush on Jennifer Morrison. I'm a little disappointed in Robert Sean Leonard's character - he's a bit twee - but because i loved him so much in Dead Poets Society, I'm willing to overlook it.

Shamelessly plugging Adam Brody

If you have a crush on Adam Brody/Seth Cohen like I do, go see In the Land of Women. It's better than I expected, and Adam Brody is in a wet t-shirt in a couple of scenes.